On Refreshing Your Friends Circle

Before I began storming on about this idea of “refreshing” your friends circle, I looked up some articles that focused on something along the same lines. I came across a great read, and it truly changed my perspective and most definitely enlightened me!

The idea that not everyone will always bring us up is an idea that we all keep in the back of our minds. It is important to take note whenever possible to your surroundings and to the people you associate with. Ask yourself, are these people bringing me up, or are they dragging me down?

And if they are bringing me up, then I need them in my life. But if they are dragging me down, then what is it that is within my own self, that is allowing any sort of negativity to bring me down. What does this have to say about my own strengths and weaknesses?
I think more often than not we find it easier to blame others for our own state of mind and overlook the fact that this other person who may be struggling, needs our help more than ever. Instead, we focus on how they are effecting our lives. This is a negative approach. Alternatively, our positivity should bring a state of healing to their lives, as much as it would to our own.
Do you see what I’m saying? In other words, two negatives do NOT make a positive! If you have someone negative in your life and they aren’t bringing you any good, then it’s time to really dig deep into your own self and recognize the positivity that you could be bringing to them, instead of focusing on the negativity they’re bringing to you, and allowing it to consume your life.
If there is anything that I have learned in the last four to six years, it is that elimination is not the solution. Elimination creates hostility which in turn boils up to something even more negative than its initial state. I am not perfect, and I too have in the past cut people out of my friends circle because they did not “bring value to my life”. But soon enough I realized, that was not the solution.

Why? Why can’t I eliminate and start fresh with “positive” people? It’s because the “negative” people in our lives bring a challenge to our lives. They force us to think about ourselves and more importantly about others. Everyone has their own journey and not everyone you meet will vibe with you. That is a truth I am slowly but surely accepting. How you allow this to effect your life is determined by the level of your understanding, along with your own strengths and weaknesses.

What do I mean by understanding your own strength and weaknesses? If you’re allowing an external being to enter your core and mess around with it’s balance, then you need to focus on your own self-improvement and strengthen it so that no one can enter in and break it down, instead of focusing on the negativity that this other person may intentionally or unintentionally be bringing to your life. After all, we can only change what we control.

All in all, approach every person with kindness, even though they may have wronged you, or may have tried to sabotage your relationships. Even IF they wish you ill, you cannot control their inner battle, but you can definitely determine its effect on you.

Have you struggled with negative people? What is your perspective? What have you done in the past and what do you plan to do in the future? Let me know! Comment below!

6 Replies to “On Refreshing Your Friends Circle”

  1. There’s many ways to deal with people that bring negativity to your life. And you’ve provided an attractive yet challenging approach. I agree that thinking negative thoughts about someone who’s negative in your life is sort of a ‘vicious cycle’ that helps no one. However, you‘ll encounter a lot of people in your life, some will be worth the challenge of consciously changing your approach to their negative attitudes and some simply won’t be worth it. Now who’s worth it and who’s not is really up to you and how to you view the meaning of your relationship. And if thinking positively regardless of your situation comes easy for you…then good for you, I think you should try to have a positive role in someone’s life even if they aren’t for you. But for others it can be a difficult, time consuming thing to do. So when it comes to someone who doesn’t mean much to you or who has repeatedly brought you down despite your willingness to look past their attitude or help them move on in a positive manner, then I have to vouch for simply letting them go. The bottom line is, a relationship works best when two people supportively & positively push each other in a healthy direction. If one person is stuck, it’s okay be a little selfless and help them. But if he/she isn’t changing or doesn’t want to change, then you’re just jeopardizing your own growth and happiness.

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  2. First off, thank you for taking the time to really go over everything that I have said in the post. You're an inspiration! And you're absolutely correct, sometimes it's just not worth it and you do have to step away with minimal damage. I admire people who do not have this difficulty in their lives, but if I'm being completely honest, whenever I have stood up for something, there has always been someone who has a problem with it, and ultimately the difference in opinions brings out the hostility. How do you avoid such a situation without suppressing your own beliefs and losing friendships over it?

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  3. This is kind of a strange example lol but it kind of applies. I had a huge with my mom about taking birth control pills. I had many reasons for taking them and I felt like it was my decision to make, but she hated the idea of her daughter having to take oral contraceptives (OCP). I tried reasoning with her…telling her OCPs are safe and they actually lighten menstrual periods & cramps, lessen acne, and so on . But her mind was set and there was no convincing her. Our argument escalated and it was hostile environment. But at the end of the day our difference in opinion isn’t going to end our relationship and she didn’t suppress her beliefs and neither did I. We still believe what we believe and I do what I think is right for myself.
    There’s always going to be someone who disagrees with your views and what you stand for. And more often than not the ones that have a problem with what we stand for is someone close to us and the hostility that might arise can be hurtful and damaging to the relationship. But a difference in opinions shouldn’t cause the termination of a friendship. And you shouldn’t have to suppress your beliefs or not stand by them because your friends have a difference in opinion. What matters is that you stay true to your beliefs and that your friends respect your choice even if it isn’t something they necessarily agree with.

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